Personal Bucket List

I often think of things I want to do before my personal 24-second shot clock expires, but usually I don't have pen and paper in hand to jot down these incredibly important tasks. So I'll use my flawed memory to present these, and also give probabilities of them happening.

1. Touch the Stanley Cup. No other piece of sports metal carries such impact and importance. Most hockey players refuse to touch it until and unless their team wins the thing. Probability of fulfillment? Less than 1%. It would pretty much require the Dallas Stars to win their second NHL championship, and the way their fortunes are going, it might take more years than I have left.

2. Fly in the Concorde. The Concorde is the most elegant aircraft ever and the fastest commercial jetliner ever built. Probability of fulfillment? Zero. About three years ago, British Airways retired their fleet, succumbing to the extraordinary fuel costs and pressure from environmentalists. If only I had ponied up the several thousand dollars to buy a one-way ticket back in the '90's. There are a few of the birds preserved for the public to see and visit, and maybe I'll at least get to touch one.

3. Live next door to a busy railroad track. There is still a lot of little boy still left in this arthritic old man. I would love it, even to the point of ignoring the hassle of being awakened repeatedly in the middle of the night. Sure, the train whistle can jar you from slumber...but the clickety-clack will immediately lull you back to sleep. Probability of fulfillment? Zero. I am going to try to avoid moving again in the time I have left on this planet. I'm gonna leave the job of cleaning out the attic to our kids.

4. Live next door to a busy airport. No big surprise there. Probability of fulfillment: um, zero. Carole would probably leave me over #3 and surely leave me over this one.

5. Meet Claudine Longet. I have already written in the past about my fascination with the former Mrs. Andy Williams. But since I'm already in trouble with my wife, I shall not push what little luck I have left. Probability of fulfillment: less than zero.