Thursday, October 29, 2009

Let's Get Halloween Under Control

First of all, it's the most senseless holiday. It's origin is somewhat shady and billions of trick-or-treaters are blissfully ignorant of how all this got started. The list of things wrong with this annual diabetes starter-kit goes on forever:

1. We have high school sophomores with no costume other than their sagging britches going door-to-door in a valiant attempt to satisfy their sugar craving.

2. Kids no longer say "thank you" when handed their candy. Solution? Chase them down, reach into their sack, grab a handful of candy bars and tell them they are ungrateful monsters.

3. Kids don't even say "trick or treat" anymore. They just stand there staring at you, assuming the onus is on the giver, not the receiver. Solution? Reach out with an empty closed fist, palm up, dip into their bag and thump the side - making it sound like you've dropped a Snickers in.

4. Parents are driving their kids to more affluent neighborhoods in a desperate attempt to get more and better results. There oughta be a law saying you have to stay in your neighborhood.

5. This year, the day after Labor Day, the grocery stores magically transformed entire aisles into orange and black Halloween corridors, somehow trying to get us into the mood for this most trivial of holidays. Mercy!

So I hereby appoint myself chairman of a new political action committee called "Help Arrange Retro-Style Halloweens". We will be known by the acronym "HARSH". Dues can be paid in cash, check, or Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.


Lynn Leaming said...

Funny Tim, but then not so much. It has been many years ago that I woke up and wondered why I indulged in Halloween? Why do I want to be a part of an evening where Satan and his realm is celebrated? Even when we try to "clean" it up and make it "cute", Satan is being celebrated. There are more human sacfrices on this night than any other. People just don't seem to want to open their eyes to that reality, but the statistics are real. So I just chose to pray about the spiritual warfare going on. I turn out the lights at my house and don't hand out candy. I have felt guilty in years past that perhaps I should try to find a way to redeem it and hand out something "evangelistic" because I do love children, but just can't. Every year even at "church" events children are dressed as witches, vampires, etc. I cannot imagine that people want their children dressed as something God states that he hates??? It is a mystery to me. Why don't families just go buy their children a bag of their favorite candy and spend the evening doing something that glorifies God? Also....churches call "Trunk or Treat" a Halloween alternative, but they don't have them on Halloween??? That way we can participate twice and get twice the candy. Makes sense to me? Obviously you got me on my soap box.

Andy Richards said...

I'm with ya, Tim. Do we have an official logo? Handshake :-)